well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
