I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
