How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
