The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
