did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
