I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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