And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
