I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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