Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
