I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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