There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize