I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
