i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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