Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
