I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
