She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
