That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
