i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
