I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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