I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
