my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize