she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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