tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
