They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
