I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
