mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
