Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
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