dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Be still, my beating vagina.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
