At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
