Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
