i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
