I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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