Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
