I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
