I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
