I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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