the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
