My Higher Power is John Stamos
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
