I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
