My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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