Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
