If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
