Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
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