The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
