Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Randomize