sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
