Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Randomize
