I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
