theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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