My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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