Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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