last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
