he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
