uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
