tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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