I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
