If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
