The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
