So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize