just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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