Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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