Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
